I sure am taking a long break from here. Crazy-corporate life or is it basically I’m a somberi 😛
My internet connection is ready, and I’ve made up my mind to write more often. I have loads of books to read. I just kept buying, but I feel so awful about them lying on a shelf, untouched… something new for me!! So once all my tests (yeah got 3 more) end on Oct 8th, its reading time again!!!! 🙂
I was going over my previous posts, and boy did they make me smile… I had longed to come back to this city, and now here I am… working in a job I lurrve, living in a city that I had hated to bid good-bye. I feel blessed!!!
Pushing aside my marriage troubles, I heave a sigh of relief… taking a minute to absorb this.. I’m here… The only tiny (not exactly) thing that is bothering me is, it would have been absolutely heaven if he is here… But no…. let me not go there… God gives me whatever I desire, but it takes Him a lott of time, still, I get what I ask for in the end. So, that’s more important.
The joy of getting your first month salary… oh my God…. It’s so am-not-getting-the-right-word-here. But it gives me a self-satisfaction, a sense of pride, and I find myself in that place where I admire myself more for getting what I want. After all these years of studying something else that’s not related to what I had dreamt in school, I knew I would one day, sigh… a huge sigh of relief… like am doing right now. We had personality development as a part of our training, and it was then, these thoughts struck me. The trainer was soo efficient, so much experienced in her field, that she made me realize what and how much this job, this life means to me. I mean it wasn’t only me, she addressed the whole group. But those 2 days did make a difference. I had always felt like a loser. Yes, I had topped my class during college, but never did those things make me happy or give that satisfied feeling. There was something missing always. The trainer was actually talking about regrets in life and how we should be blamed for not trying enough to achieve our goals. Almost all of us in the room had said our parents had chosen what we should study and that was why we weren’t able to live our dreams. Jayshri (the trainer) just said “You didn’t fight for your dreams, because deep down you weren’t ready. You were unsure where it might lead you to”. That’s it… I had tears welled up, ready to fall.. I wanted to tell her, no, I have been fighting and fighting, and then I realized, maybe yes… I was too scared to follow up. If I had been sure, I would have definitely said “NO” to all those things for which I regret now. I was not confident. I might have actually saved up a lot of years of useless studying of which I don’t remember anything now. But that pep talk, made me glow in pride, coz, among those present in that room, I was the only person who liked where she was, at that point in her life. All of them had joined IT because they “didn’t have a choice”. But not me… Hence the pride, the sigh and all the above senti stuff 😛
What we do and what we decide is based on how much confident we are. Right now, I’m directing all that confidence and strength towards my fight for him. I know I have not reached that place yet, But I’m getting there. And i know its worth it.