After all this time..

When someone asks you who’s your best friend, we immediately say a name. That’s during school. Same question when asked during college, we hesitate a little. Because we have the best friends from school and college now. It doesn’t get complicated, but the happy circle grows. 

Same question when asked now, when you are married/middle aged/old , brings about so many happy memories. You look back and remember all those precious moments.. every single time spent with friends or moments that strengthened that beautiful bond.

I’ve had my share of best friends coupled with lots n lots of drama too. Best friend from school considers me her no.1 enemy now. Other besties are busy with kids and the rare phone calls and chance meetings keep it alive. 

College.. My four years of engineering was made tolerable because of friends. Especially two of them. To this day, I thank the stars for those two in my life. Hailing from an all girls school, college was the second place which was co-Ed. First one was, of course Std XII tuition where I met B. ๐Ÿ˜

These two friends have always been there for me no matter what, without *Conditions applied. I can go on and list the things they’ve done for me, but it will be endless. 

My relationship with B happened and because those two friends were guys, we drifted apart. I’m still in touch with them, but things are not how it used to be. They maintain a safe distance and keep conversations limited because they wouldn’t want to come between B and me. 

So why this flashback.. Today these two idiots had gone back to college and posted pictures. Nothing special about it, you might say. The three of us, are fr different departments. While they had posted pictures of them with a gang in several odd spots of the campus, one picture in particular made me smile. 

They had taken a picture, just the two of them in front of my department. They wanted me to be a part of that moment, is what I kept thinking. And in such a discreet way of letting me know it.  

To others, it’s a normal picture. To me, it was everything! 

 

PC -click on picture for source.  

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Unexpected company

While B is working nights, I’m all alone at home. I’ve got zero interest to eat, cook, watch TV, read or do anything. It’s like this guy has to be a part of everything I do ๐Ÿ˜• I’m going mad, missing him.. 

So on perfect timing, he ordered a gift, a very early Valentine’s it is! After much thought and some budget discussions ( yes, we decide together what my gift will be ๐Ÿ˜ ) my first DSLR has arrived. Actually I got it on Monday. But my lack of enthusiasm at everything, especially because he wasn’t there when I opened the Amazon box, made things even more depressing. 

But today I decided that I’ve had enough sulking for the week and decided to experiment with my camera. It’s an entry level Canon DSLR but still, I know nothing about their kind and getting slowly used to all the settings. I had to go learn what ISO meant, how to achieve shallow depth of field and all photography related things from Internet. The first picture I clicked was bad! And there I was thinking I would work magic.. At first glance it looked like my iPhone photos were much better. Then I tried changing few things like ISO and shutter speed and experimented around with a 50mm prime lens.

The entire week I was struggling to pass time and finally fall asleep in an empty house. Today I hardly noticed the clock and only when my stomach started rumbling, I realized I’ve been spending long time with the camera. I’ve learnt little about how changing the aperture, shutter speed could change the picture. Unexpected and a welcoming change!!! 

First picture clicked using 50mm

Absent mindedย 

I didn’t know it was Tuesday  yesterday. I didn’t know it until today and that’s why I had written a Wordless Wednesday post on a Tuesday. ๐Ÿ˜• 

Have you heard this lyrics from Minnale movie? 

Naatkal neeludhe, nee engo ponadhum… *

(* – days are longer since you’ve been gone)

I’m exactly in that state.. But my husband hasn’t gone anywhere, we’re in the same house, only not at the same time. While I’m in morning shift, he is doing night shift. He leaves by 4pm and I reach home by 6pm. 

After 4 years of long distance relationship, this past year was God given to me. We’ve never ever spent a single day apart.. And now it’s like hell. I talk to a sleepy B before leaving to office and he talks to a sleepy me when he returns back at 2am. I was desperately hoping it was Wednesday yesterday and thinking there was just two more days to go for the weekend. 

This has been a horrible week for me. I don’t  want to rant here, but off late I’m doing only that.. I feel weak, which is partly because I’m sick but also because I miss the male species of the house. 

Someone who is always talking nonsense, 

Who is always pulling me, nagging me to watch this n that on YouTube

who talks cricket walks cricket, lives cricket and makes my ears ache because of all those cricket trivia

who Doesn’t mind what I cook, whether I cook.. 

who is with me , no matter what

who doesn’t just cry for me but also cries along with me

You, yes, You … You are being terribly missed and I really really hope you get to join that stupid big ass company which hasn’t sent your joining letter yet and leave this bpo job and be with me, all the time.. ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Unbreakable

Yesterday night saw me crying and brawling and going on a depressed mode. All’s well today and I’m back to my ‘everything’s gonna be alright mode’. 

Sometimes you need to cry and let go off the pain. It’s good to cry! Once all the crying part is done, there comes a quietness, a sense of peace and the situation before you becomes a little clear.Until then it’s best not to decide anything. 

Even though things don’t go as planned, it’s okay.. There’s nothing that hard which I can’t overcome, I say to myself after crying, each time. After all I did succeed in marrying B after a three year struggle. All that thrashing.. And I was strong. So what’s happening right now is merely a phase. This too shall pass.. And one day, I will reach that place where my tears have only one reason – happiness! 

Have a great week ahead, people! 

One year

It’s been one year of living under the same room with B. ๐Ÿ˜โ˜บ๏ธ

One year since my home became ‘Amma Veedu’.

One year of failed kitchen experiments n disasters.

One year of managing financial matters n failing miserably at it

One year of love, fights, mistakes, laughter and mischief.

One year of making plans n never executing them.

One year of less, very less shopping ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

One year of less books and more of Instagram

One year of short and rushed visit to  our parents’ homes. 

One year !!! 

My little hope story

If someone asks about me to my family, I’m sure they would throw in words like ‘independent’, ‘bold’, ‘outspoken’ in their description. Myย cousinย has always wondered how I can travel alone or how I stay alone at home when parents are out of town. This must sound stupid to some, I agree. But we are from the South and ‘outspoken & independent’ are not the descriptive words people would use for a girl.

The truth is, I’ve been afraid, always. But I’m good at pretending to be brave and hiding my fear. When I was 17, I was packed to Pune and my Hindi was limited to reading and writing. Conversations in Hindi made me run for help. Travelling by auto or even grocery shopping panicked me. All my classes were meant to be in English and not always did it happen in my favor. I was not allowed to call Mummy for consecutive days. My guardian* said that would distract me from my goal. (I didn’t have a goal).

After eleven months of living away from the family and gaining nothing out of that stay, I finally came back home. I did not achieve anything. I did not clear the PMTs. Neither did I learn to speak Hindi fluently. My dad and mom were much more disappointed than me (I was just happy to be back). My dad, who kept telling that his daughter would conquer her fear over Hindi in a matter of few days, was not okay with the fact that I came back as a failure.

I reluctantly took up Engineering (and Biotech, to be precise) in a not-so-popular college. I always had the feeling that I was a loser. Coming first in the department didn’t change it a bit because I scored less than average in my GATE exam. And I hit rock bottom when I failed my TCS interview.

I was looking for one reason, a small silver lining, anything, something to prove I wasn’t a failure. Good news came in the form of M.Tech admissions to my dream University. My parents were again reluctant to send me to a city, alone. But the ticket to Anna University was the answer to all my problems and I was confident about it. I had to persuade my father and for the first time in my life I cried to him about how I thought I was a failure and this was my second chance.

I have always mentioned in this blog about how much this city has changed me. It’s been four and a half years now. I’m working in one of the ‘safest’ MNC’s and I’ve been living off of my hard earned money and I no longer have the need to pretend that I’m strong and independent. I’m living the life of my dreams and it all started with moving in here. Had i not moved in here, had I not literally begged my father, I would have been married, transformed into a mother-of-two and a homemaker. (Not that it’s a bad thing). And I would have been behind my husband for all of my needs, nodded my head in agreement when people talk about ‘clothes provoking a man for rape’ or ‘how girls should not be allowed to work’.

I know that my Dad and my husband are proud of me and I wish that one day my guardian (I miss you!) would call me and say the same thing.

This post is written for Housing.com’s (https://housing.com/lookup) Lookup stories. I have not fabricated anything mentioned above. ๐Ÿ™‚

*The guardian – someone very close to me, Dad and brother.